


【 D---- 】 endlessly in another world

by Flamingogogoogly



Series: 【 ----- 】endlessly in another world [1]
Category: Re:ゼロから始める異世界生活 | Re:Zero Starting Life in Another World (Anime)
Genre: Blood, Blood and Gore, Capella is gross, Emotional Manipulation, F/M, Mental Breakdown, Mindbreak, Physical Torture, Psychological Torture, REALLY BAD stuff in here man, Screaming, Very Graphic Scenes, Vomiting, Well maybe a little, You Know I Had To Do It To Em, a bunch of painful short stories in this series, arc 6+ spoilers, arc 7 speculation kinda, basically a collection of horrible deaths and horrible loops, doing stuff tappei might not, i'm so sorry subaru, i'm working on my other fics don't worry, im going to the DEEP dark stuff here, lots of blood, lots of gore, lots of hurt and honestly, not kidding don't read if you have a weak stomach, novels spoilers, oh frick oh no, probably no comfort, seriously dark stuff in here man, subaru has the worst time of his life, this one is just practice and a mind dump basically, unnecessary subaru suffering, when having writer's block do suffering ez win
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:07:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27825751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flamingogogoogly/pseuds/Flamingogogoogly
Summary: Subaru has a terrible time.There is plot, because suffering without plot is not suffering, but it's like a snippet. Things will be explained as the story goes on, although not too in depth.
Relationships: Natsuki Subaru/Suffering
Series: 【 ----- 】endlessly in another world [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2036371
Comments: 16
Kudos: 63





	【 D---- 】 endlessly in another world

\--- suddenly returning from the depths of unconsciousness, Subaru’s back was jostled from a light impact. A hoarse cry escaped from his throat as he pitched forward, a dust dirt path barreling towards his unprotected face.

“Bwuh?!” 

However, just before Subaru would have surely broken his nose, his body was stopped by something holding the back of his shirt. Subaru’s arms, which had been limp as he fell, rapped the ground with a light thump. 

“W-Woah, Cap’n. Y’ good there? Didn’ mean to knock ya over...”

A familiar voice met Subaru’s ears as the arm hoisted him from the ground with an unnatural strength, gently settling him on his wobbling feet. The boy, Garfiel, removed his hand from Subaru’s slightly torn shirt and to his shoulder, gently turning him around to face him. Alongside Garfiel, who was wearing an expression of slight guilt and concern, was both Frederica and a certain grey-haired merchant.

At the sight of his friends, all having gathered close, Subaru let loose a shuddering voice.

“Garfiel..?”

Upon uttering that name, Garfiel furrowed his brows and tilted his head, hand still on Subaru’s shoulder. 

“Of course it’s me, Cap’n. Didja daydream somethin’ weird? Y’ain’t lookin’ too good.”

Garfiel’s eyes, as mean-looking as ever, met Subaru’s, who were wide in surprise. They were not bloodshot. They were not filled with tears. They were warm. Concerned, but not anguished.

“Natsuki-san, what’s the matter? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

As the cogs turned in Subaru’s head, Otto, who had been watching this odd exchange from a few feet away, took a few steps forward, hand raised as if prepared to grab Subaru’s shoulder alongside Garfiel. His eyes wavered in concern as he looked Subaru up and down, seemingly searching for the cause of this sudden change in behavior. 

Otto was dressed in his usual green garb. His hat, telling of his status of ‘merchant’, sat neatly on his head. His cloak remained on his shoulders, despite having been discarded in a sea of blood. The eyes, which had lost any sign of life only minutes ago, were brimming with curiosity and worry.

“Otto…”

The merchant abandoned all previous hesitation at Subaru’s hoarse voice, closing the distance and placing his hand on Subaru’s other shoulder as Subaru turned to directly face him.

“Natsuki-san, seriously, what’s the matter? Did something happen?”

Subaru felt something burn at the back of his eyelids, about as hot as the acid churning in his stomach. Reaching the conclusion he had Returned by Death, the confusion in Subaru’s mind settled, replaced by a sense of immense relief.

“Ah… geez, I guess I did space out a little, huh? Sorry about that, you two… thankfully, your ugly mugs brought me back no problem.” 

Relaxing his cheeks into a smile as he removed the two friends’ hands, Subaru poked fun in an attempt to lighten the mood. At the sudden insult, Otto’s face twisted into one of irritation, removing his hand as if touching a hot iron. With a snort, Garfiel slapped Subaru on the back of his head, fangs twisting into an exasperated smile. Neither of them noticed the shuddering of Subaru’s right arm - or perhaps, they pretended not to.

“Making fun of us when we’re genuinely worried about you… aghh, there’s no helping you, Natsuki-san!” Otto clutched his head in a dramatic display, glaring. Garfiel nodded, clacking his teeth. 

“Ya seriously freaked us out there, Cap’n. Sorry for hittin’ ya on the back, but I think ya needed it, yeh?” 

Subaru realized that was the impact he had felt the moment he returned, and he couldn’t help but smile a little wider. His arms and legs still felt numb - they had been completely detached from his body just minutes ago, after all. He subconsciously flexed his fingers as he reached up and scratched the back of his head with the seemingly foreign right hand, chuckling softly.

“Sorry, sorry…”

Frederica, sighing in relief, walked over to the small group, hiding her smile behind her hand. Subaru could see the slight worry in her eyes, but she said nothing of what she may have been thinking.

“Deep in thought, hm? Happens to all of us, fufu. Regardless, we should be returning to Roswaal-sama soon. He’s likely joined up with the others by now.”

Garfiel nodded, thumping Subaru’s arm. 

“Yeh, you held us up, didn’ ya?! Not that I care ‘bout bein’ late er not for that clown bastard, but I’m starvin’. 

Subaru, however, didn’t react to Garfiel’s complaint, rather focusing on Frederica’s words.

“Joined up with the others, huh..?”

Crossing his arms, Subaru glanced in the direction of the path. Apparently, he had returned to about six hours prior to his death, when he had been traveling with the three as they looked for someone who could drain his excess mana, having heard in the city there was occasionally someone of note that walked along this road. Their search had been unsuccessful, and in his last loop - only about three hours after they returned to the city- all hell had broken loose. Capella, the archbishop of Lust, had ambushed the city in search of Subaru, who had made an appearance in her gospel. 

“...”

Subaru quietly glanced at his arm, which had black veins and splotches seemingly writing beneath the surface. It was disgusting at first, but now, it was dangerous. Incredibly dangerous. To know such a thing lived within his own skin made him want to chop his arm off right there, and he considered it. But a rash action such as that would cause everyone to worry, and they needed their energy for when they arrived. But he really, really just wanted to chop it off. His leg too, if he could. He needed to be rid of them as soon as possible. He didn’t want to lose any limbs, but he would if he had to. 

“Subaru-sama?”

At Frederica’s call, Subaru was shaken from his spiraling thoughts. He glanced towards Otto and Garfiel, who looked at him strangely.

“Ah… yeah, let’s go.”

This time around, as soon as they met Roswaal, they would have to plan for the incoming attack. Roswaal would believe him no question, so they wouldn’t have too much trouble gathering support with Roswaal’s persuasion. He didn’t want to worry anyone any sooner than he had to, but they needed to get to the village, and fast. The sooner they arrived, the more people they could evacuate. The more people that evacuated, the less deaths. The less deaths, the better. At the same time, however, Subaru needed to somehow restrain himself - the last loop, Capella had used him like a puppet, regardless of distance. The moment she had come into the city, Subaru’s body - more specifically, his blackened arm and leg - had begun acting erratically and adversely to his own will. He had done things that would remain with him until the day he died. 

He wanted to scream and curse everything, and just die, even as he walked with a flippant smile on his face. But he had no time to focus on such things. He needed to plan. He had to figure out a way to prevent the incoming disaster, no matter how tired and weary he was. So as he walked, he planned.

\----- If he didn’t, he would surely go insane.

Natsuki Subaru’s soul was being torn to pieces, after all.

**Author's Note:**

> Another one. Man, I'm trying not to start too many of these, but it helps when I run out of juice for another fanfiction when I start another one that's a lot more laid back. Lemme know if the characterization or writing is off - although it's not a big deal here as compared to my more 'serious' fics, it helps me improve! The writing here will be a little bit lazier, though. That's a given.
> 
> Also, I will explain subaru's previous death that was referenced by this chapter. Not sure when, but likely through a nightmare
> 
> **\-----edit: going to revise. Didn't like how easily Subaru recovered, especially considering how terrible his last loop was. Also felt like other characters let Subaru go unquestioned a little too easily. some things weren't as clear as they should have been.**


End file.
